Some pursue happiness, others create it

Some pursue happiness, others create it

6 minute read

How's your mindset been lately?  We all continue to go through so much during these times that I thought it was a perfect opportunity share my own journey with you.  Recently on Instagram, I’ve been sharing my own process letting go the emotional stresses of 2020-21.  Without realizing it, I found myself in a constant hypervigilant state.  My physical and mental health took a back seat to whatever minor or major business or life stressor that emerged.

It feels kind of shameful for me to admit this.   I mean, the name of this company is Wendi’s Good Things Market.  Shouldn’t Wendi, in fact, have it together all the time?  The truth is, I am on this journey of creating goodness and joy just like you are.  

There are times in my life when focusing on joy was a habit– one I thought I would never lose.  Yet, here I am having to relearn how to prioritize peace, calm, and wellness.  It’s not about just prioritizing it, but resisting the urge to fall back into old thinking and behavioral patterns of being in fix-it mode at the hint of anything wrong. 

I am happy to report that I am 6 days into a new way of thinking and behaving! Lol!  

Ok, so I have a long way to go to make this new way of thinking and behaving a natural part of life again.  If you’re in the same spot as me, you’ll appreciate some things I am doing differently that seem to be helping make some of these changes.

Allowing others to solve their own problems.  

When did I start thinking all the answers, solutions, and work was up to me?  This week, I got an emergency text from the restaurant that they were out of pineapple.  There Is a manager on duty, yet this message was coming to me.  This made me stop and think about how I have been the one who has helped create this dynamic.  It’s up to me to stop the dynamic by refraining from giving answers and solutions to people who have the ability to solve problems without me.  How many times lately have you found yourself taking on burdens not meant for you?

Concentrated me time.  

Without noticing it, I was taking calls and texts during my workout times (plus all other hours of the day).  My anxiety was elevated ALL THE TIME. I’ve had to become more disciplined about keeping boundaries around my time.  One hour a day without interruptions is not selfish–it makes me a better person.

Hold others accountable.  

I found myself picking up slack when others were not following through with their obligations.  Sometimes it was just easier to get it done myself, and sometimes I just wanted to avoid putting stress on someone else.  Friends, we are only one person.  If we hire someone or count on someone else for projects and they do not follow through, we cannot keep picking up the slack.  Confronting this issue is a form of self-care.  We are not martyrs or better people for doing it all.  

Monitoring my physical and emotional state.

 If I just take time to rest, I will be back on fire again living my best life.  However, continuing to live mindlessly in a state of fatigue and anxiety produces mediocre results.  This ends up making me feel bad about myself.  Taking time to rest or breathe deeply allows me to be present with life.   Being present with life is necessary to really feel joy.  Even in these short 6 days of changing my habits, I feel the joy that I love living in return.  

Surrounding myself with people who are going in the same direction.  

Have you ever gone on a walk with a friend and by the end of it, the two of you are so pumped up on something that you can hardly stand it?  Prior to now, I found myself giving more upbeat emotional energy to some people than they returned.  Sometimes that’s how it is in relationships.  However, we are not superhuman.  Eventually, we need the same energy returned.   Surrounding ourselves with people who are chronically hopeless is contagious.  I made a list of upbeat people I know and I reached out to them to hang out.  

Being honest with where I am.  

This feels a little bit like a 12-step recovery program to say this, but I have really had to put down the mask of perfectionism and admit to my failings.  Guys, it is so much relief to just be honest about how you’re feeling than to keep up appearances.  These appearances are time-consuming and take us away from the real work of getting our good things together!

Praising myself.  

I used to wait to give myself a pat on the back until I thought it was perfect.  The problem is...IT IS NEVER PERFECT.  I’m spending time congratulating myself for every little victory.   Waiting for outward praise and encouragement may never come.  We need to recognize and encourage ourselves. 

Letting myself off the hook.  

As a person who scores high in achieving on the strength-finders index, not having x done for this person or x done for that person often plagues me. I feel guilty for not doing other small things, like weeding my flower beds or washing my dirty car.  First, I am giving myself a pass.  Next, if I get at least one thing done, I congratulate myself.  The truth is, the list will keep growing.  I will never get to the end of it.  I need to accept what I have the capacity for and be okay with that. 

I hope sharing my own personal journey and strategies helps you in some way.  We alone have the power to create our own reality.  Let’s keep heading in that direction. 

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